Hundreds of people are stuck at home with kids who are absolutely over spending time with each other. Are your kids fighting? Don’t know what to do about it? Here is a thought – why do you have to do anything at all?
The reasoning behind my thought is simple. Xers were the original latchkey kids, and our “rivalry” was epic. Nothing your kids are going to do to each other under supervision is ever going to compare to what we did to each other sans-parentals.
I once tied my younger brother up in an old army duffle bag and set him out on the front porch. I had hoped that the mailman would pick him up, but he just sat out there for a hot minute until my mom came home and released him. Of course, the lesson I learned there was about paybacks. The real reason kitchen cabinets no longer have handles is because grudge harboring little brothers can easily slip a wooden spoon through them to create a dark cramped little prison for anyone hiding under the sink. Our spontaneous game of hide-n-seek- turned duffle bag retribution- made me realize that I had to be very careful about what I dished out. Trust me when I say I had plenty of time to sit there and think about my choices before mom showed up to release me.
The thing is, my mom and dad never got involved. Granted, they didn’t really know about some of our unsupervised acts of insanity. They were never privy to the time my brother pulled down the bayonet hanging over our mantle and chased me through the house with it. No. He isn’t a psychopath; he just had to live with me, the kid who would hide his favorite things when he wasn’t looking. I had him convinced it was the little people living in the walls. Of course, they were only loyal to me and I required favors in return for asking the wall-folk where his toys were. I was all about the long game. It was enough to make anyone snap.
My point is, if your kids aren’t chasing each other down with rusty knives, why waste so much energy trying to referee every single argument? Sibling fights are where your kids can sharpen their conflict resolution skills in a relatively safe manner. I learned really fast what comes around goes around, so I had to be careful about what punches I pulled. I learned how to compromise to get what I wanted in lieu of trying to bully or torment. My parents stayed out of it unless we were trying to maim each other, so there was definitely no misconstrued favoritism. If you step into every little squabble, how will your kiddos learn to solve problems on their own? Listen; don’t let them lock each other in the attic (I truly regret that one, sorry). Provide them with some examples or tips on how to resolve conflict, teach them how to compromise, and don’t let them inflict bodily harm. Now, go put away that referee whistle and relax a little. If their bickering is driving you mad, just remind yourself that you are preparing them for the real world, and you can take solace in the fact that they will be able to face whatever bully comes their way in the future. OR you can just do like my mom did, and hide in your room….
General Musings of a Gen Xer 