#comedy – General Musings of a Gen Xer

Quit Sending Me To Hell

Neighbor-lady would wave her dirty little garden shovel over the fence and screech that she was, “going to pray because we were going to HELL!” Ten-year-old me found that HILARIOUS. I was a jerk. More importantly, I am pretty sure that woman wasn’t praying to save my soul.

What’s The Problem

Every single problem in the world can be boiled down into one of two things: someone wants to take something, or someone wants to control something. Listen, I am guilty. I don’t have the desire to take anything from anyone, but I’m all about the control. For example, I believe that everyone would be happier if they would simply treat everyday like a musical. You can’t be miserable when adding a little song or spontaneous dance routine into your daily interactions. Naturally, not everyone agrees with me, and trying to force random song and dance on others isn’t well met. I also strongly believe you shouldn’t act like an ass to others, but who defines what an ass is? Who draws the line on what is acceptable and what isn’t, and what do you do with the offending ass? You see? problems…

What Tints Your Lenses?

I was pretty young when I realized that my way of relating to the world was a little different. I stood out, and not in a good way. Let me assure you; despite what everyone says, very few people are truly tolerant of difference. I simply didn’t understand why no one could relate to me. EVER. So, I retreated into books. Long story short, it was a librarian that gave me the epiphany I needed. Eight-year-old me handed her a note from my mom giving me permission to check out anything I wanted, not just kiddie stuff. When she asked me what I planned on looking for, I shrugged and said, “I don’t know, something to help wake up my magic, or maybe a romance?” She laughed (like I was joking) and said that she liked my world lens.

Scraped Knees and Near Death Experiences

Anyone who grew up during the 70s-80s had a full-on childhood. There were no adults helicoptering our every move. We were hardcore survivalists. I imagine our guardian angels to be all hard and jaded. The poor newbie guardian angel does not get praised after guiding a 10 year- old down a softened plastic slide, and straight back to his mother who is waiting a few feet away. The newbie angel is met with:

Quarantine – a family story

In the beginning, all was well. I was excited. After all, we are “staying safe” and we have been given an opportunity to truly to reconnect, decompress, and re-set our family. You CAN’T control your circumstances; you CAN control your response.
And then it just kept going.

Cold Trash Wars

There are wars that transpire silently within the walls of our home each week. No one openly acknowledges the battles, but my kitchen is definitely an every-man-for-himself combat zone. One major issue is that there isn’t a single man, woman, or child in this house that will admit it is time to take out the trash.

Love For All Things Food

I love food. To be clear, I don’t like to cook; I just love to eat. The problem is that food and I have a tumultuous relationship. I’m simply not attracted to “good” food.I love cheesy Italian food, or spicy Latino. I love “bad” food. The kind your doctor warns you about. When I was younger, I could food it up all night and all day. Unfortunately, I’m not so young anymore. I can’t keep up.